And sometimes, the very thought of exposing the most esoteric, venereal details of my being for the world to gawk at, excites me. I want to be absorbed by sadism and masochism and I want to let people know. I want them to see. I wonder if people truly knew how sick I am if they'd still associate with me. Still desire to remain around me and call me friend or girlfriend. I want the world to know how terribly unstable I am yet I don't. I want to cradle it in my disgustingly insecure fucking bosom and let it die there.

I am warped. I am dissolving slowly. I want you to know how much I don't want you to know. I want you to know how much it hurts me, how much I cannot control it. How much I might potentially need help beyond you or me or any so called friend.